For several years after we were married, Rolfe and I had trained ourselves to present a public face of “having it all together.” People at church considered us role models. Although I received multiple invitations to speak on womanhood and marriage, by God’s grace, I knew enough to turn them down. The truth was, I was a hot mess and clueless about my role as a Christian woman. I needed to figure out what I was doing wrong. My marriage and family were at stake.
Because divorce was not an option for either of us, we didn’t have the luxury of giving up. We either had to keep trying or remain miserable. By the grace of God, we both chose to fight for our relationship, for our family. The pain didn’t stop with my husband, it affected my kids too. I needed to change, I wanted to change, but I didn’t know where to begin.
For the next couple of years, I worked hard to respect Rolfe more, knowing that my disrespect and disapproval were at the core of what the Lord wanted to work out in me. In the natural, things got slightly better as Rolfe and I tried to love each other better, but I still had a lot to learn.
So, I turned to Jesus and His Word. Asking Him to erase everything I thought I knew about marriage and womanhood, I was determined to align my thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors with His Word. For a solid three months, I read, researched, prayed over, and discovered how much of God’s Word I had rejected, misunderstood, and wholly ignored. I wanted to live in truth, so, in prayer, I promised God I wouldn’t skip, ignore, or reject any verse. Rather, I’d claim it as good and relevant to me no matter how I was designed or what my experience had been.
Over the next several years I grew exponentially. However, I found that some biblical concepts were difficult to transfer to other women suffering from pain-filled relationships or confusion over biblical womanhood. By now (2003), I was on staff at Lake Sammamish Church. I had recently tried to share some of the valuable lessons I’d learned regarding womanhood, marriage, and family, but I was struggling to communicate them in way that was not just more advice or good ideas. That changed after the weekend at the Home Mentoring Intensive with Devi Titus.
Devi provided some powerful insights and tips on how to create a home that would be a restful haven and a sanctuary of love. Her helpful suggestions and practical ideas affirmed many of the things I’d been learning, especially the beauty of God’s design for our homes. Yet, as I engaged in the sessions, nagging questions plagued me: ‘How much of this is relevant to all women, everywhere?” and “How much of this is only helpful if your life fits into this nice mold?”
Then, about halfway through the weekend, Devi mentioned the idea that there is a difference between principles and instructions and a lightbulb went off. That was it. The work that the Lord had been doing over the last few years had been revealing His core principles and differentiating those from His instructions, and these tenets were building a new foundation. I finally had my answer, my “Aha” moment - one that unlocked a way in which to pass on the truths I had been learning to other women that would lead to freedom and not more guilt, legalism and bondage.
Transformed Living was begun…
"...divorce was not an option for either of us, we didn’t have the luxury of giving up. We either had to keep trying or remain miserable. By the grace of God, we both chose to fight for our relationship, for our family."
"I finally had my answer, my “Aha” moment - one that unlocked a way in which to pass on the truths I had been learning..."